Zalmoxsis Star

Nobody Special
Let's go to the Magic Kingdom!

              The Knower of Truth should go about the world
              outwardly stupid like a child, a madman or a devil.
                    Nagarjuna, Precious Garland
                    [Mahavakya Ratnamala]

                    I am a man of science
                    ... very weird science.

                              He who lives to see two or three generations is like
                              a man who sits some time in the conjurer’s booth at a fair,
                              and witnesses the performance twice or thrice in succession.

                              The tricks were meant to be seen only once,
                              and when they are no longer a novelty
                              and cease to deceive, their effect is gone.
                                    ~ Schopenhauer


1. Turn Donald Trump back into a turd,
and thereby accelerate the work of nature.
2. Whip up a kickass potion, so you wouldn't care about anything.
3. Forget where he put his reading glasses.
4. Run Linux.
5. Carry everything worth having in a knapsack.
6. Make a good walking-stick.
7. Dump all other social networks for Categorian.
8. He smoked it all already.
(Okay, so there's maybe, like, one hit left for you.)
9. Ride a low-maintenance bike.
10. Take a nap every day (and sleep on the beach).

This is an IP checker;
I put it here for convenience, mine and yours.

Now I can't see your system myself; only my own information --
which, in fact, is only my proxy server's IP and location.
Not even my operating system or browser are identified.

So ... if you don't like what you find, then check out my previous posts
on tech stuff: privacy issues (1 and 2),
search tips
, censorship, Internet security,
proxy servers, and (of course) Linux (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6).

If you want to have a quiet and peaceful life, just bend over, stick your head in the sand,
hope for the best, and let Big Brother have his way with you!

The weather here
is usually between fair and fabulous,
but practically never miserable:
best thing about the place.
The people, eh, they're all
younger than my kids,
and at least half of them
need a good spanking.
By the way, San Francisco
has the
most beautiful
in the world!
(And some of them
really are women.)

San Francisco's nude beach ...
I just feel better knowing that it is there.

utterly hopelessly tone-deaf *

* He also can't dance.

    Bernie Sanders
    demonstrates his
    secret Jedi powers;
    as seen here,
    throttling Joe Biden
    and rendering
    him speechless
    in mid-lie.


The NFL’s plan to protect America from witches


Kareem Abdul-Jabbar

"Witches, man. Just when you thought we were safe from their malignant influence on America’s virtue, the NFL has proven we are still in real danger from their dark powers. It is fortunate for our country’s moral fiber that the NFL has kept current in their reading, channeling Heinrich Kramer’s 1487 tome, Malleus Maleficarum ('The Hammer of Witches'), which was the go-to DIY text in many countries for conducting witch trials and public executions. As a result, an estimated 40,000 to 50,000 witches were put to death, about 80% of which were females. Why so many women? Kramer explains that it’s because a woman 'is more carnal than man, as is clear in connection with many filthy carnal acts'. He believed that the sexual desire men felt when looking at a woman who was not their wife was due to the vixen casting magic spells to tempt them. As punishment, these sexual sirens must be, if not beheaded, drowned, or hanged, at least fired from their cheerleading jobs."
    ~ Kareem Abdul-Jabbar
    extract from the original web page

the original news story
archived version of the original news story

Mr Abdul-Jabbar seems more than a little out-of-his-depth here, and should stick to basketball.
No doubt, because he played basketball when he was younger, he imagines that he knows something
about football, as well, even though it is a different sport altogether, with totally different rules.
(In football, for example, one tries to score a touchdown [= 6 points] and nail a cheerleader; whereas
in basketball, one tries to put the ball through the net [= 2 or sometimes 3 points] and nail a cheerleader.)

The problem is obvious to the scholar or historian. These witches have stolen the penises
of certain self-important men who, in their younger days, were indisputably athletic and very virile;
but now, having grown older, wealthier, and fatter, they witness their penises disappearing,
and just when they are beset with inconveniently lustful thoughts about bouncing bodacious babes.

For those who wish to educate themselves about penis theft, they may consult the leading authorities:
The text of the Malleus Maleficarum (or "Hammer of Witches"):
On the subject of the theft of men's penises (or "virile members"), see:
Also, this passage:

Furthermore, the belief is still current in many parts of the world;
a fairly recent book (published 2016) documents the variations
and permutations of this widespread and deeply-embedded belief.

Frank Bures
The Geography of Madness

a radio show that talks about the book
(This link currently seems to be dead; however, I will post an archived link when I get time.)

But still it goes on:

At last, I get some recognition!


Lemon or honey, dear?
Would you care for a biscuit?

Man, this is, like, exactly
what I have been trying to say!

When I play the right notes,
I get a big hit of that dopamine,
and then I feel really good.

Or something like that ...
not necessarily always
in that exact order.

Two studies of zebra
finches show that they
get a hit of dopamine
when they hear
a pitch-perfect song –
and when learning, they
listen to the spaces
between notes.

for those who are inclined to read more:

In order to get past
Donald Trump's
border wall
and overwhelm this
great nation with
illegal immigrants,
Mexicans (who are
clever when they
want to be) have
built a Trojan piñata.

Man giving away teddy bears causes stir,
alarms schools and parents

by Rosemary Parker
photos by Chelsea Purgahn

The Kalamazoo Gazette
September 13, 2016 at 4:09 PM,
updated September 13, 2016 at 6:13 PM

DISCLAIMER: The photo commentary by the Present Author, intended as humor,
is neither connected with, nor approved by, The Kalamazoo Gazette, the author or photographer,
nor even the hapless subjects of this endlessly fascinating piece of purported journalism.

PHOTO LEFT - Potential pedophiles, terrorists and heroin junkies might lure unsuspecting potential victims into their potential evil lairs with the possible use of hundreds of cute teddy bears!

OTSEGO, MI -- Ken Cronkhite's efforts to downsize by finding new homes for his 89-year-old father's massive collection of teddy bears had Otsego on alert Monday after parents were notified by school officials that a man had been handing out the stuffed animals to school children.

In a telephone alert to parents, and in a notice on the district's Facebook page, Otsego Public Schools Superintendent Jeffrey Haas said that a heavyset, older, white man handing out teddy bears to kids from his silver SUV had caused concern among parents.

"We have not been told that this man threatened anyone or tried to lure students to him, and adults have been present during two encounters," the letter said, "however, it raises a concern as we want to be sure our students are safe."

PHOTO RIGHT - Teddy bears just like this one could possibly be used to hide drugs, heroin syringes, hidden cameras, or small thermonuclear weapons. Be very afraid!

Cronkite's teenage son saw the Facebook notice and commented: Hey, that's my dad," the district's director of communications, Holly McCaw, said Tuesday.

"I looked at Facebook, and it blew up," Cronkhite said. Some commenters suggested the bears might contain heroin syringes, another thought there might be hidden surveillance cameras. He said he looked up such cameras online and found they cost $90 each. "What am I, Donald Trump? Putting (expensive) cameras in 200 bears that I give away?" he said.

The Facebook alert and response has been taken down, McCaw said.

PHOTO LEFT - The teddy bear at the right side of this picture leers at the camera, while the others laugh viciously at the idea of innocents defiled.

Cronkhite said he is a veteran Marine and a retired Chicago police officer and had fun approaching shoppers with children in store parking lots, people jogging along the streets, and children gathered with adults at bus stops or picnic tables.

He said he made sure there was an adult accompanying any children he approached.

He said he started the direct giveaways after he had distributed bags of bears to Sylvia's Place shelter for battered women, and to the American Cancer Society in Kalamazoo. Some charities would not accept the stuffed animals because they were not brand new, he said.

PHOTO RIGHT - Seriously, would you want potential perverts like this guy talking to your kids? Remember, you can't be too paranoid!

So his elderly mother washed them all and his father told him to just give them to any takers in an attempt to spread some happiness, Cronkhite said.

His father, whom he believes to be the oldest man born in Otsego still living there, has collected the bears for 57 years, according to Cronkhite. When his father asked him to distribute the bears to children, it never occurred to him not to do it.

"It was really fun until this happened," said Cronkhite, who gave bags of bears to area party stores and ask that they hand them out.

"People jogging, I said 'here's a bear for you.' You have no idea how good that makes you feel," he said. "I felt great that my dad did this" with his collection of so many years.

PHOTO LEFT - Potential pedophiles, heroin junkies and terrorists can even look like kindly old grandfathers. This suspected pervert was the mastermind behind a potential evil plot ... the abominable aim of which was ... well, we can only imagine!

Otsego Police Chief Gordon Konkle said officers were out patrolling bus stops Tuesday morning when Cronkhite called to tell them he was the man they sought. When police arrived at his home, there was the silver SUV parked in the driveway, the chief said.

Konkle said Cronkhite explained why he had been blanketing the area in bears in recent days, and that he intended no harm.

Still, it's not a good idea in this day and age, the police chief said, when parents are rightly on the alert for any contact between their children and adults they don't know.

Konkle said the school was right to alert parents and remind them to talk with their children about strangers.

PHOTO RIGHT - Father and son, suspected potential child molesters: The suspected pervert is here pictured with his father, the person who seems to have orchestrated this devious plan. Potential pedophiles, terrorists, and heroin junkies can even run in the family. Remember, children learn from their parents, so teach your children always to be very very afraid!

Police and schools received calls from mothers who were quite alarmed, he said, and at least one woman had torn the stuffed bear her child received to pieces, worried that it might harbor something harmful.

"It might have been nice" if Cronkite had let police know of his intentions beforehand, said Konkle.

He said he believes Cronkhite's account, and it doesn't appear he's done anything wrong. "But it was a poor decision," Konkle said of how he went about the teddy bear giveaway.

It's not likely he'll do anything similar in the future.

"Like I told Chief Konkle, I was just trying to do something nice," Cronkhite said. "I will never try to go out and try to do anything nice for anyone again. It stole my whole mission away."

THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS: Another potential child-molesting pedophile has learned his lesson, and possible future crimes have been prevented by a super-vigilant group of suspicious and overprotective adults. (Remember, never commit spontaneous acts of kindness or generosity without first notifying the local police department.)

PHOTO LEFT - Actually, this stock photo is from totally a different site than the original story (see below, second set of links), and was used instead of the original set of photos that were published with the story -- which, as it turns out, are buried in the news site and practically inaccessible to ordinary computer users.

the original news story, or as near as I could find
archived versions of the original news story

another version, from the site where I first heard about it
more archived versions

P.S. A note to accidental visitors and readers: RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY! Nothing to see here. Enter at your own risk. I do whatever I like; your experience may differ from mine.

Many of my posts are in media editissimitus, which is to say a mess. I use my Cat pages as creative work space, and this is just me thinking out loud in html. I may or may not trim them down, if I ever have time, but I am in no hurry. To me, at least, they are interesting, but then I like reading; if you don't like reading so much, then I suggest you look for porn elsewhere, as some of my posts are only technically pornography, more like the stack of old National Geographic magazines that you found in the attic when you were a kid. So it's like porn to me. I have morbid interests, but simple tastes.

I am busy as a bee in search of nectar, and many of these items are pretty raw research, or graphics connected by hints and nudges, flotsam on the stream of my consciousness, which are to be used in various projects that I pursue in the otherworld — a place far, far away from the Internet, but then again, right next-door.

Here, this guy wrote a song (well, technically maybe it's not really a song) about people like me.

If I didn't have my Cat page, then I would need an even bigger man-cave filled with even more weird stuff.

"Mankind is Yet to Recognize my Genius"

(so bad, it's good)

It appears that there is much more to be found on this theme.

Also, try searching with terms like "Genius The Transgression" and "When Sufferings Cease" and so on. I must confess, however, that I have yet to explore the subject's riches, as I am totally consumed -- nay, obsessed! -- with perfecting the Great Work.

P.S. Okay, after doing some intensive research, for at least five or ten minutes, I seem to have discovered a tangential connection to some kind of online role-playing game community; all the players conceive of themselves to be mad scientists or such characters.

I would point out, however, that the mad scientist and others of that ilk, by definition, must be solitary and persecuted, their work misunderstood, reviled and ridiculed. Otherwise, they do not qualify as true mad scientists. A community of mad scientists is therefore a contradiction; mad scientists do not commune. They are unsociable cranks, doomed to die alone, forgotten, their work neglected until they are decently dead and buried; when at last they are recognized as geniuses, far ahead of their times.

The tragic paradox of their quest, furthermore, is that only by achieving such posthumous success can they ever get real satisfaction in life.

P.P.S. Bonus points if the mad scientist can die in sordid, disreputable circumstances: for example, a flophouse, in bed with an empty bottle of whiskey, a skanky woman, and a recently-fired pistol; or to die in a mysterious laboratory explosion, or from mercury poisoning. (These items are necessary research materials, by the way, which ought to be obvious to any experimenter with alchemical inclinations. If mad scientists ever employed accountants, or even kept accounts, then these items could be written off as business expenses.) Such details will also make excellent subject matter for future biographers.

P.P.P.S. To die in bed with a skanky woman does not contradict the rule that they must die alone. For comparison listen to that song, written by Ed Bruce, "Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys" (famously covered by Willie Nelson and Waylon Jennings); especially the lines, "... they're always alone/ even with someone they love." Mad scientists and cowboys have more in common than might appear at first glance.

P.P.P.P.S. Don't blame me if you don't get it. I didn't make up these rules; I merely try to interpret them for the younger generation.

Why did breast milk ice-cream disappear?

extracted (and slightly condensed)
from an article by Kitty Knowles at The Memo

Breast milk [is] an essential part of life for every baby. We’re all sold on its benefits, so why not continue eating it into adulthood? Back in 2011, The Icecreamists, a pop-up store in London, sent waves across the city by launching the world’s first breast milk ice cream. This marmite product divided opinion. Some were outraged, others travelled from all over the world to get a taste of the ultimate foodie fad. Then, suddenly, the shop disappeared. Breast milk ice cream was gone for good....

The Icecreamists opened its doors in Covent Garden in 2011 with “Baga Gaga” breast milk ice cream. Founder Matt O’Connor said punters loved it so much it sold out before noon on its first day of sale. The saucy gelateria-come cocktail bar, served up this madagascan vanilla-pod infused dessert with a touch of lemon zest, and the option of a whisky or cocktail on the side. At £14, this was very much a luxury product.

Victoria Hiley, a mother from Leeds, provided the first 30 fluid ounces of milk which was enough to make 50 servings, and the company was inundated with women who wanted to sell their own special formula. Hiley, who earned £15 for every 10 ounces of milk she gave to the company, said it was a great “recession beater”. “What’s the harm in using my assets for a bit of extra cash?” she said at the time.

Understandably, not everyone was happy. Critics called it human farming, while others voiced fears about a lack of ‘quality control’. Just days in, health and safety officials from Westminster Council dramatically ‘seized’ and banned the breast milk before declaring it safe a week later. But Baby Gaga’s makers told The Memo they always required donors to undergo two hospital standard scans to clear their milk – “there was never going to be a health and safety issue” they claim.

Things took a turn for the worse when pop princess Lady Gaga threatened to sue. Gaga claimed people might think the controversial product was associated with her. But the Baby Gaga team fought the pop star in court twice. And won, twice. Months later the pop-up shop ran its course and closed down. But this wasn’t the last we heard from founder Matt O’Connor.

What better time to bring back breast milk ice cream than to honour the royal baby? Last year, O’Connor launched ‘Royal Baby Gaga’ at an event hosted by his new ice cream company The Licktators. For about 4 weeks last summer, fans could once again indulge in their favourite treat from the teat.

We tracked down O’Connor to find out if this would be the last time he’d be dabbling in the delicacy of breast milk. The answer was a resounding no. “We’ll always have it coming back,” he told The Memo. The entrepreneur isn’t put off by the idea of another letter from his “celebrity stalker” Lady Gaga either, although he did say that due to the expensive nature of breast scanning Baby Gaga will never be mass-produced: “It really is more of a delicacy, than it is a mainstream product – it isn’t something you could turn into a tub for Ocado or Co-op.” Breast milk indulgers can definitely expect to enjoy more ice cream made by human mammaries. “There’s always huge interest in it, there’s always huge demand,” said O’Conner. “It might be a niche future, but there’s a future in it.”


my secret power of


(Don't mess with a Jedi master.)

Trump and Putin: A Love Story

The attraction is mutual,
but history shows who’s really using whom.

A mural in Vilnius, Lithuania. Trump sees strength and cynicism in Putin.
Putin sees in Trump a grand opportunity.

Credit Photograph by Aleksandr Lukjanov / Alamy

by David Remnick
excerpts from The New Yorker

Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin and Donald J. Trump are locked in a humid political embrace, which seems, at first glance, unlikely. Putin grew up in postwar Leningrad. In the dismal courtyard of his building on Baskov Lane, a hangout for local thugs and drunks, he and his childhood friends pursued their favorite pastime: chasing rats with sticks. His father, a wounded veteran, beat him with a belt. Putin’s way up, his dream, was to volunteer for the K.G.B. Donald Trump encountered few rats on his lawn in Jamaica Estates. Soft, surly, and academically uninterested, Donald was disruptive in class—so much so that his father, a real-estate tycoon of the outer boroughs, shipped him off to military school when he was thirteen. He did not set out to serve his country; he set out to multiply his father’s fortune. “When I look at myself in the first grade and I look at myself now, I’m basically the same,” Trump has said. “The temperament is not that different.”

Decades later, Trump has praised Putin as a forceful leader, a “better leader” than Barack Obama; Putin hardly conceals his hope that Trump will win election to the White House. What would be more advantageous for Putin than to see the United States elect an incompetent leader who just so happens to be content to leave the Russian regime to its own devices, particularly in Europe?


The fellow-feeling between the two is complex, but it is not hard to see who gets the better of whom. Trump sees strength and cynicism in Putin and hopes to emulate him. Putin sees in Trump a grand opportunity. He sees in Trump weakness and ignorance, a confused mind. He has every hope of exploiting him.

Hillary Clinton bikini mural covered
with niqab after public decency complaints

Council had threatened Melbourne street artist Lushsux with a fine over original mural,
which depicted Clinton in a swimsuit with $100 notes tucked into it

by Melissa Davey
from The Guardian

A Melbourne street artist who was threatened with a council fine over a provocative mural he painted of US presidential candidate Hillary Clinton has responded by covering her image with a niqab.

Maribyrnong council took issue with the original mural, which depicted Clinton wearing a revealing swimsuit with $100 notes tucked into it. The council said residents complained about the piece, which was painted on to the side wall of a scooter shop in Footscray, 5km west of Melbourne.

In a statement, the council said the mural contravened its gender equity policy.

Related: Naked selfie murals won't be censored, says Geelong council

“We believe that this mural is offensive because of the depiction of a near-naked woman, not on the basis of disrespect to Hillary Clinton, and it is not in keeping with our stance on gender equity,” the council chief executive, Stephen Wall, said.

“We contacted Victoria police to provide their opinion on the matter, and they deemed the mural to be offensive and in contravention of the Graffiti Prevention Act 2007, which council is responsible for enforcing.”

— LUSHSUX (@lushsux) August 1, 2016

This is no longer a wall of a supposed "offensive and near naked" Hillary Clinton, a beautiful Muslim woman.

As well as the council threatening the owner of the building with prosecution and a fine if the mural was not removed, the artist, known as Lushsux, had his Instagram account deleted after posting the image to the social media platform.

However instead of removing the mural, Lushsux covered up the swimsuit by painting a niqab over the top of it, leaving only Clinton’s eyes showing. Next to his work, he painted the message: “If this Muslim woman offends u, u r a bigot, racist, sexist Islamophobe.”

— streetartglobe (@streetartglobe) August 1, 2016

The council threatened @lushsux with a fine if he didn't remove his mural of Hilary. This was his response.Thoughts?

Clinton is not the only politician to come to Lushsux’s attention. A mural of a naked US Republican candidate Donald Trump has also appeared in Melbourne’s CBD, as well as a mural of his wife, Melania Trump, also depicted naked. Lushsux later added Trump’s face over the explicit parts of the latter mural “so as not to cause any offence”.

Guardian Australia has contacted Lushsux for comment.

— LUSHSUX (@lushsux) July 29, 2016

Decided to censor my work now as not to cause any offence.

I'll take Door #3, please!

Could Bernie Sanders be a write-in
candidate in the November election?

My cursory research into this question yields
no definite answers,but it seems unlikely,
if not downright impossible. However,
the Green Party still gives us a glimmer of hope.

Dig this, because I said so.

I can't get YouTube's embed link to work for me, so here is a direct link:

Frankie Miller BBC Radio One In Concert 1979 & BBC Radio Session 1977

Frankie Miller In Concert BBC Scotland 1981

(Note that this is Frankie Miller, the Northern Soul singer from Scotland, not the country-and-western singer of the same name.)

I mean this guy:

                          ... not this guy:

P.S. This post is a work in progress. My primitive caveman computer skills
have not evolved apace with YouTube's most recent embed codes.

Until I catch up, I recommend that you follow these steps:

1. Sell all that you have, and convert it to liquid cash.
2. Go out and buy everything you can find by Frankie Miller.
(Or, you can beg, borrow or steal it. We live in troubled times; desperate measures may be necessary.)
3. Share with your impoverished music-loving friends* (e.g., the Present Author).

* I realize that we may not be genuine "friends" yet, strictly speaking; but if you can find me some more music by Frankie Miller (that is, stuff I don't already have), then I feel sure that we can work out some kind of arrangement.

Frankie Miller's music is rather hard to find anywhere; relatively few YouTube videos, nothing much to download, and it's even hard to find his albums or CDs for sale anywhere. So I will keep adding worthwhile or interesting links to this post.

Here are a few tidbits, just to whet your appetite for more.

Frankie Miller - Stubborn Kinda Fella (BBC documentary)

Frankie Miller Ain't Got No Money /Fire Down Below
(You might know a version of this song by Bob Seger -- who added some lines, and now takes part credit so that he can legally claim a percentage of the royalties as "co-writer" of the song -- but here is the original, by the guy who really did write it.)

And here is a little gem, in its own way:
Frankie Miller Live at Marianne's Wedding 1989
He is apparently back home in Bridgeton (the working class part of Glasgow, Scotland); by now he has had a few pretty big hits, but he was never a superstar ... at any rate, not so big that he couldn't get up and play a couple of his songs with the wedding band!

If you want to know more about such a sound as Northern Soul, then here is some homework for you.
A Mystery Poetry Puzzle
This sounds familiar, but I cannot place the author. The web page credits it to
"phantomoftheookstore" -- which sounds phony, but maybe is not.*


                One does not have much Nortelrye,
                If forgotten words, they do not mourn with a sigh
                And Slæpwerigne, pour‡ over parchments old,
                And find words once spoken, but still shining gold.
                Like a Flother, no word is the same,
                They are unique as a person’s name.
                Intriguing artifacts of times long gone,
                I search often for the Hapax legomenon.

Here are some other links credited to the same poet:
At a glance, they are very good, in a classic-literary sort of way; the author is somebody who has read a few books. Three hapax legomena can be found in this poem; all genuinely old, but each one from a different period. First is flother for "snowflake"; although persisting in Modern English as a mock-antique or "poetic" term, its earliest evidence of usage is stated to be in mediæval manuscript from the year 1275. Then there is Nortelrye (meaning "education", "nurture"), which occurs only once in all of Middle English literature, in The Reeve's Tale by Chaucer. And finally, the Anglo-Saxon nonce word, Slæpwerigne, meaning something like "sleep-weary."

The variant spellings convey a vaguely mediæval atmosphere, and make it sound more mysterious, mystical or magical. Anyway, it works for me, and I am reminded of certain patches of verse in E.E. Cummings (but if it is the same poet who wrote the other poems under this "author" then it cannot be); and a few other poets come to mind who sometimes played at writing in an archaic style for a few lines. Ezra Pound's attempts at mock-antiques sound pretty amateurish to me, even if I do not claim that I could do better. Every poet I know who might attempt this sort of thing must be ruled out by style, or general age of their language, or other factors. I am at a loss.

Whoever this is, though, it must be a modern poet, who catches the spirit of the old books, but does not overdo it and bore the reader. Whenever I get to thinking that I may actually know anything about anything, the Universe invariably knocks me upside the head with a surprise like these poems, as reminders that there are always new things left to be discovered, or forgotten old things to be recalled again and again. Yet a nagging thought tells me that I have read this somewhere or other, but now cannot place when or where, or the author.... Or maybe, because I catch hints of Middle English, I am just embroidering a false memory from scraps of Chaucer, Malory, Piers Plowman, Mandeville, Skelton ...

O, those happy days spent wandering in the wilderness of letters!

Anyway, whoever it is I think quite good; likewise other poems ostensibly written by the same author, Phantom of the Book Store. It seems to me that such a good poet ought to have a name, or at any rate, a better name than this. If anybody knows anything about these poems or this poet (or anybody who is remotely interested in such questions) please send me a message.

*sic: It was spelled like that in the URL of the web page.

† Amaze and delight your friends with useless knowledge!
Learn how to impress beautiful women at parties
by name-dropping from obscure ancient mythologies!
Improve your love life with a Classical education!
Learn all about the secret powers hidden in hapax legomena!

sic redux! The word here should actually be pore, not pour.
I point out this niggling mistake in order to emphasize that the author,
while clearly not a great scholar, is nonetheless a very talented poet
(whoever it may be, and it's not myself) with a good ear and a genuine feeling
for those musty, old, oft-neglected tomes full of ancient lore. Unless this is
a typo, it betrays the author as modern, who appears to be ignorant of this
distinction. The word pore (to study carefully, or contemplate) is rare
nowadays, perhaps even an endangered species, and is sure to be purged
from recent editions of the Newspeak Dictionary.

Further reading on these numerous examples of genuine uniquities!

    Good to know.

    More from the same artist
    can be found here.

Mortuary Assistant required. Eleven pounds weekly. Some basic knowledge of human anatomy an advantage, though not essential. Telephone Mr. Utton, Whittington Hospital, Highgate.

"Hello, yes, I am calling about
the job that you
advertised in the evening paper?"
"My qualifications?
Well, I like reading
about witchcraft and vampires,
and I find graveyards are very
restful places for meditation."
"Yes sir, some of my best
friends are dead people."

Dig this!

High-resolution pictures are available for download (so you can zoom in and see all the intricate details); but the files are HUGE. If I try to open them in a web browser, everything slows down, stops-stutters. This pain you don't need; but a nice tree, and for free, you know you want it.

Go to this page and grab a big one to plant in your own garden.

I myself am trying to get closer to the root; somewhere after human sacrifice, but earlier than television preachers.


It appears that neither
crossing fingers behind the back
nor clenching the anus
(my top two tricks
for lying with impunity)
are foolproof methods.

Try this instead:
"Calm yourself
before answering
by imagining gentle waves
and warm sand."

- OR -

"Vizualize cool beers
on warm summer nights."

Excellent advice;
politicians, take note.

further reading
How to Beat a Polygraph owner indicted for training customers to beat the polygraph

straight from the horse's mouth
an archived version

Nuggets of Wisdom from Uncle Al

The Prohibitionist must always be a person of no moral character; for he cannot even conceive of the possibility of a man capable of resisting temptation. Still more, he is so obsessed, like the savage, by the fear of the unknown, that he regards alcohol as a fetish, necessarily alluring and tyrannical.

With this ignorance of human nature goes an ever grosser ignorance of the divine nature. He does not understand that the universe has only one possible purpose; that, the business of life being happily completed by the production of the necessities and luxuries incidental to comfort, the residuum of human energy needs an outlet. The surplus of Will must find issue in the elevation of the individual towards the Godhead; and the method of such elevation is by religion, love, and art. These three things are indissolubly bound up with wine, for they are species of intoxication.

PHOTO LEFT - Aleister Crowley, about 1912
the frontispiece to one of his books (so far unidentified)

the original image can be found at

Yet against all these things we find the prohibitionist, logically enough. It is true that he usually pretends to admit religion as a proper pursuit for humanity; but what a religion! He has removed from it every element of ecstasy or even of devotion; in his hands it has become cold, fanatical, cruel, and stupid, a thing merciless and formal, without sympathy or humanity. Love and art he rejects altogether; for him the only meaning of love is a mechanical — hardly even physiological! — process necessary for the perpetuation of the human race. (But why perpetuate it?) Art is for him the parasite and pimp of love....

What then is his ideal of human life? one cannot say. So crass a creature can have no true ideal. There have been ascetic philosophers; but the prohibitionist would be as offended by their doctrine as by ours, which, indeed, are not so dissimilar as appears. Wage-slavery and boredom seem to complete his outlook on the world.

There are species which survive because of the feeling of disgust inspired by them: one is reluctant to set the heel firmly upon them, however thick may be one’s boots. But when they are recognized as utterly noxious to humanity — the more so that they ape its form — then courage must be found, or, rather, nausea must be swallowed. May God send us a Saint George!
                              ~ excerpt from
                              Aleister Crowley, The Green Goddess
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